This month’s “Paula Abdul is fucking nuts” story is brought to us by the National Enquirer:

Okay, we told you exclusively that the “X-Factor” star just moved into a condo near her CBS job, and desperately wants to sell her San Fernando Valley house — but she’s so convinced it’s “haunted” that she hired a rabbi, a priest, a minister, and even a witch doctor to drive out its “evil spirits.”

Said a pal: “Paula claims she’s witnessed strange happenings, like lights mysteriously turning on and off, for years. So her rabbi came over and blessed the house, the priest and the minister performed cleansing ceremonies - and the witch doctor walked through every room waving a frond of burning sage, sending ghost-busting smoke into every nook and cranny.” (Print Edition - November 21)

Listen Paula, your house isn’t haunted just because you woke up covered in ectoplasm. That was from Saturday’s gangbang. Besides, the way Paula’s been acting the past few years, she doesn’t need to have a rabbi, priest, and witch doctor over to her house - she needs an exorcist. That chick’s got more devil spawn crawling around in her than Michelle Duggar.